Some Biblical Tips for Relationships and SinglenessOctober 14, 2008
Preface: Wanting to be in a relationship, or wanting the relationship others have, may quite possibly be the greatest reasons we break the 1st, 2nd, 7th, and 10th commandments. Everyone would like the opportunity to announce to the world that they have arrived because they “are loved” by someone. But relationships are the beginning, not the end. They are the beginning to life long selflessness and change. It’s not about YOU, getting what YOU want, because YOU have needs.
And there is no quintessential relationship other than that of Christ and His bride. This relationship is perfect from Christ’s side, and imperfect from ours, which still makes it truly perfect! All earthly marital relationships are extremely temporal compared to eternity. No imperfect earthly relationship should be jealous of another imperfect earthly relationship. All earthly relationships should be jealous of The One Perfect and Eternal Relationship… that of Christ and His bride (which all Christians will eternally participate in anyways).
Now on to the dating tips…
(These are tips I gathered from a respected youth pastor.)
1. It’s O.K. to be single. Remember that the God shaped hole in our hearts can only be filled with a God-shaped peg. Yes God may fill this hole by what He gives us in this life such as a spouse, but the hole will still need filling even after that. Whether you are with someone or without someone you are to do all things through Christ you strengthens you (Phil 4:13). Your contentment is truly in Him at all times.
2. Become the person you want to marry. This will ensure that you are not only looking for them but that they will look for you. In fact, to an extent, let them find you! Let them find you while you are in the middle of striving to be the person you ought to be.
3. Pray for your future spouse. Not just for them to show up but pray for them as you would yourself. “Lord, please help them to love you and obey you more, guide them into your will for your Kingdom, let them daily seek you and find their contentment in you, protect them from the enemy and from lies, help them to not be selfish and to serve others, and let them be wise with everything you’ve given them… amen.”
4. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God didn’t create Adam and Steve, but He also didn’t create Adam and Eve, and Barbara, and Shaniqua, and Emily. Guys, guard your heart for the one whom God will eventually have for you. That way you don’t have to make the one you love the most feel rejected any less.
5. If you’ve just broken up with someone and still have some baggage from that relationship, maybe wait a 1/2 year to a year before you try dating again. Make sure enough time has gone by to where all your bags are dropped. That way you aren’t carrying them into your next relationship.
6. If the relationship doesn’t work, the person you’re dating should come out of it as a better person. If you date in such a way that is honoring to God and pleasing to Him and the relationship doesn’t work, you won’t have to come out of it with a mess on your hands and turmoil in your heart. Rather, you will have grown and learned something valuable about relationships, yourself, and life.
7. Don’t pretend that you’re a married couple and kid yourself. Only a married couple is a married couple. It isn’t wise to spend all the holidays together, to always go shopping together, always be with each other in all activities, etc. You will do that with your spouse. Let these things be mostly reserved for them.
8. Ask yourself “why am I in this relationship?” Is it so you don’t have to be lonely, because you like the attention, or because being with someone makes you feel needed? Yes these things can be met in a relationship but you should want to be with someone that you are compatible with and will be able to serve God the best with. You will both have the same vision for what God’s will is.
9. Let there not even be a hint of sexual immorality among you (Eph 5:3). This is impossible, nevertheless it is what we are to strive for, nothing less. Set your purity boundaries ridiculously high from the get go. If they are set to medium or are too low, they have too great of a chance of being broken. This is what is meant in Jesus’ illustration in Matthew 5:29-30. “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
10. Men, be the leaders in a relationship. Especially with guarding your heart and her heart. Guys have a tendency to murder their ex-girlfriends or kill themselves when they find out that the one they thought was supposed to give them a purpose for living no longer wants them. So again, be very careful to guard your heart, feelings, and sexuality. I’m preaching this to myself as well. Something worth having is worth waiting for. If it is rushed, it will only become your cage. All is despair, BS, and disappointment apart from Christ.